


Consumes My Heart

by LeChatRouge673



Series: Cat's Song [14]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M, holiday fluff, satinalia 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 22:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13063617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeChatRouge673/pseuds/LeChatRouge673





	Consumes My Heart

_It's the cold dark forest_   
_Where I'd find the fire_   
_And it burnt us down_   
_And consumed our hearts._

 -“Cold” by Bjéar

 

* * *

 

“Are you alright, Wildflower?”

The question, so tenderly asked, was almost enough to convince Cataline to roll over and actually form a coherent reply. As it was, however, she merely managed to mumble a string of syllables that might have been words against the pillow as she lay facedown on the bed. Nathaniel gave a small chuckle, then lay down beside her, running his hand gently up and down her back. “That good, huh?” He asked, leaning over to press a kiss against her hair.

“I’m fine,” she sighed, rolling over so that she could face him. She couldn’t help but smile as the soft grey of his eyes met hers: really, she couldn’t help smiling around him more often than not. “Just exhausted. The last thirty-six hours have been… very busy.” Which may have been a bit of an understatement, but at least things were quieter now: Cullen and Mara had caught an obscenely early flight back to South Reach so they could spend the holiday with his family, and after their traditional informal Satinalia Day brunch with Cat, Nathaniel, and Anora, Thea and Loghain had left for the mountains.

“Yes. Yes, they have,” Nathaniel agreed. “Satinalia Eve is always a bit chaotic though, isn’t it? It is why I am infinitely glad that we always take Satinalia Day for ourselves.”

He was right, of course. As much as Cat and Thea loved hosting Satinalia Eve, it was always a time sink, and more socializing than either woman did on a regular basis. Not that they did not love every single person they invited: it was just a lot to handle. Thea had always taken care of most of it, but this year even she had thrown Cataline a bit of a curve ball.

“Did you know he was going to ask her?”

Nathaniel shook his head slightly, reaching up a hand to brush a strand of ginger hair away from her face. “No… but I strongly suspected. He did tell me about the ring; how he’s held onto it all these years, so I knew he wanted to. Besides,” he leaned over and brushed a kiss against her lips, “You know that if I had known, _you_ would have known. I would never have kept that a secret from you.”

“I know,” she laughed gently. “And I love you for that.”

“Are you upset with her?” He asked, the question not unkind.

Cataline thought for a moment. “No,” she replied, “I am not. It broke my heart when she and Cullen divorced, but I think I knew it was going to happen. She’s always loved Loghain, and he’s always loved her. They just needed to find their way back to each other. And, despite everything he did that ought to make me hate him, I don’t. Somehow, I’ve come to love him like family, and a big part of that is the way he treats Thea.”

“Still,” Nathaniel murmured as he kissed her forehead, “I’m proud of you. You have been through the void and back these past few years, and come out stronger for it.”

“Maybe,” she admitted, offering him a small smile. She sat up and neatly crossed her legs, her violet eyes catching the soft twinkling glow of the Satinalia lights they had strung up in their bedroom. He sat up beside her, reaching out and taking her hands in his.

“How are you holding up, Wildflower?”

Cat paused and considered her answer. The question seemed broad enough, but she knew what he was really asking. This was her fourth Satinalia since her parents had died, and the holidays were always more difficult. “I am alright, actually. It still stings sometimes but it has become more of an occasional dull, wistful ache rather than a constant pain. I’ve been thinking about them a lot, of course: wondering what they would have thought about Thea and everything that has changed. About the things we used to do this time of year.”

Nathaniel leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. “Think you’re ready to talk about them?”

“You know, maybe I am,” Cat smiled softly. “Do you remember much? You were always here with your family until you left.”

“Some,” he agreed, “But I’m afraid the older I got the more distracted I was by something _other_ than the holiday celebrations going on around me.”

She giggled quietly, tilting her head up to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. “And what had you so distracted, I wonder?”

“Can’t imagine.”

“Yes, well, I remember Thea would always sneak into my room after everyone had theoretically gone to bed, and we would try to stay up all night waiting for the Spirit of Satinalia to leave our presents under the tree. We always had these elaborate plans for making it through the night, and of course we never made it. I think we were always conked out by midnight. But those talks we had, in the quietest parts of the night with the snow falling outside and reflecting the colors of the lights on the house… they were some of the most profound and meaningful talks I think we ever had. And the older _I_ got, the more _you_ seemed to come up in the conversations.”

Nathaniel gave her a small smile, and she could see the softness in his eyes as he reached up and ran his thumb along her cheekbone before cupping her cheek gently in his hand and pressing a kiss to her lips. “You were remarkably patient with me.”

“I know,” she teased. “I think you were worth the wait, though.”

“For which I am utterly grateful,” he laughed, pulling her closer. “I’m guessing that also explains the ever increasing amount of mistletoe that started showing up? I can’t help but be slightly amused that Thea is so exasperated by Sera’s liberal use of the plant when, if I remember correctly, she was an absolute fiend for it when we were growing up.”

“Oh Maker, yes,” Cat laughed brightly. “That woman is usually much more subtle, but I swear she has her moments. Although, in her defense, I was not exactly as careful around it as I should have been. At least, not once you showed up for the holiday.”

Nathaniel shook his head, but he was laughing too. “Nor was I. Well, except maybe that one year you got sick.”

“Ugh. Right,” she groaned. “You were so sweet, sitting with me all day even though I must have been just absolutely horrific to be around.”

“You really weren’t. I just felt bad that you were sick on Satinalia,” he reassured her.

Cat fell back against the bed. “You really shouldn’t have. It was my own fault,” she admitted.

“What do you mean?”

“I was sick to my stomach because Thea and I got into the eggnog. My parents always tried to ration it because it was so rich, and even then Thea cut hers with milk. If I had been a little smarter, I would have done the same, but I didn’t. Mom and Dad were out doing some last minute shopping, and Thea and I decided they wouldn’t notice if we just took a tiny nip out of the carton. Well, a tiny nip turned into the entire damn thing. Thea, thinking ahead like she always does, continued to cut hers with milk. I did not.”

Nathaniel had covered his face with his hand, but Cat could tell he was shaking with silent laughter, and she just sighed. “Yeah, I know. Not one of my finer moments. Mom and Dad came home and of course they knew immediately what had happened. They pretended to be disappointed in us but we could tell they were trying not to laugh. I honestly think Thea got the worst of it for not stopping me: she had to cover all my chores while I was sick, and I think she felt an inordinate amount of guilt over the fact that I couldn’t touch eggnog for at least three years after that.”

“Andraste’s blood, Cat,” Nathaniel laughed, falling back against the bed beside her and wrapping an arm around her waist. “You poor thing.”

“No, don’t you dare feel sorry for me,” she protested, although she did not resist the opportunity to snuggle up in his arms. “It was my own damn fault, much as Thea would like to take the blame. She always does, when it comes to protecting me.”

“That she does,” he kissed the top of her head. “I’m almost relieved she married someone who is actually more protective of her than we are.”

“Almost, huh?”

Nathaniel gave a small chuckle. “She’ll always be my Teddy girl, and my best friend. And I may have made it known that if he hurts her again I will personal drag him to the void myself. Which, oddly enough, is fair similar to a promise he once made to me if I were to ever break her again.”

“And I love you all the more for it,” Cat smiled as she kissed him. “But yes, that was why I was dreadfully sick that year. And you were so sweet: you actually stayed with me and watched Satinalia specials on tv all day instead of enjoying the holiday with everyone else.”

“I didn’t need everyone else,” he protested gently, “I was enjoying the holiday with you.”

Cat could feel the warmth welling up in her heart as a smile curved at her lips. “You are way too good at that, you know?”

“Good at what, exactly?” He asked, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“Saying sweet things to make me feel better. It’s almost not fair.”

He laughed. “Consider it a fair trade for the utter unfairness of your very existence. Do you have any idea how hard it was not to sneak you into a closet or spare bedroom last night while you were wearing that dress? If I didn’t know that Thea would never let me live it down if we got caught I absolutely would have done it.”

Now it was Cat’s turn to giggle. “Is _that_ why we left so early?” Her tone was far more innocent than it needed to be, and given that they had barely made it in the front door before they had been all over each other, they both knew it.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “To be fair, you wanted to come home so we could watch The Grinch. I even bought the right version: the old animated one, not the live action one you hate.”

“Because it’s awful,” Cat retorted primly. “Speaking of movies, I don’t know if you remember… but dad used to always have his favorite Satinalia movie on in the living room. He’d put it on a loop but never had the time to actually sit down and watch it beginning to end, with all of us running around like sugar-possessed maniacs and a million other things to do to help mom.”

“That’s right,” Nathaniel seemed to be lost in thought, “It was that one with the leg lamp… and Eleanor always pretended to be horrified when Bryce joked about finding one.”

“Yes! And dad used to always say that if he kept it playing in the background and popped in every once in awhile, he would eventually see the entire movie by the end of the day. Just not necessarily sequentially.” A small sigh escaped her lungs. “He was always so intent on making sure we all had a good Satinalia… I wonder if he ever got to just sit and watch it beginning to end?”

He pulled her closer, running his hand up and down her back in a comforting pattern. “I’m sure he did, Cat. But somehow I think it paled in comparison to watching you and Thea on Satinalia morning. There is a special kind of joy in that, I think. Something that you just can’t capture the rest of the year.” Nathaniel leaned back slightly so he could face her. “Does Thea still put out milk and cookies for the Spirit of Satinalia? I remember she insisted on doing it long after the rest of us had grown out of it. She was so stubborn about that…”

Cat was quiet for a moment. “She does, although I would note that this year she put out a very good year of her favorite Starkhaven whiskey rather than milk. Which I have no doubt the ‘spirit’ appreciated. I think… I think Thea has always needed to cling to this holiday more than the rest of us. She was jaded so young, and she’s experienced so much loss and heartbreak… even more than I have. And she’s never been good about letting anyone see that vulnerable part of her, but Satinalia has always been special. I think she needs this season of hope, and love, and the promise that there is yet some good in all of us. Despite the sarcasm and temper and dry wit… she needs to believe in that joy. I think she has always needed that more than the rest of us, and so she always sings the songs and goes to the chantry services even though she rarely goes the rest of the year, and she insists on hosting the family dinner every year, and yes, she always puts out an offering.”

They lay there quiet for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts, until Nathaniel finally spoke quietly. “She gets that from you, you know.”

“What?” Cat propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him properly.

“That hope. That believe that there is still something good in the world despite all of the darkness she has seen… she gets that from you, my Wildflower,” Nathaniel murmured as he reached a hand up to stroke her cheek. “You have always been the sunrise after the darkest nights, for all of us. We look at you, and we see the best of ourselves; the hope for our future. It’s one of the many, innumerable reasons we all love you. Why _I_ love you.”

“Nathaniel,” she whispered, the threat of tears glittering on her lashes. She curled up against his chest, letting him hold her there. This was the most she had talked about her parents, about _before_ , in a long time. Possibly ever. She and Thea had both tried therapy, but it had not been a good option for either of them for very different reasons. It had really seemed to help Fergus, and she was grateful for that, but it had never really clicked for her. But somehow, Nathaniel made it a little easier to reconcile the painful memories with the ones that still brought her joy. “I love you, too. So much.”

He smiled at her, that oh so rare full, honest smile that was hers and hers alone, and he kissed her. “Well, my love. We still have the better part of Satinalia Day left to spend together. How would you feel if I went downstairs and made some hot cocoa, brought it up, and we could lie her in bed and watch that movie. All the way through, beginning to end, for your dad.”

“You know what? That sounds lovely,” she dropped a kiss on his cheek as he left the bed. “Then maybe later we can do something just for _us_.”

He paused in the doorway and looked back at her, the intensity in his gaze casting his eyes silver and making her shiver in the best possible way.

“I think that can definitely be arranged.”

 


End file.
